I spent the rest of the afternoon in a state of arousal wearing the nappy. It was then that I decided I wanted to explore this more... a lot more. It was like I had opened Pandora's box and I just wanted to dive in and taste it all... Now!
There were lots of things that I had read about that I wanted to try or replicate and so I had to start to shop about for the various items of clothing and accessories. I wanted a dummy. A dummy is a constant reminder for the sissy of his juvenile status. I wanted to try even thicker nappies, so ordered large terry nappies and a pair of pink plastic nappy covers. I wanted some really babyish dresses and other clothes too and so began a long and large spending spree.
I worked from home running an eBay shop, so I had lots of time free to shop around. Also, with having constant money flowing through my pay pal account I always had to money to buy!When my terry nappies and plastic pants turned up I got really excited. I had researched how to fold and put them on and couldn't wait to see how they felt. Other bits of clothing had started to turn up too and i was starting to build a small collection. My Nuk5 dummy and baby bottle had turned up and my obsession was absorbing more and more of my time and energy.
Similarly to when I was a teenager, the shame and guilt I felt after immersing myself in my 'baby' role for a while would snap me back into reality and I would hide all my babyish things again in a fit of shame and guilt. I was really confused about my desires and fantasies and how dressing like a toddler or baby made me feel.
On the one hand it all felt wonderful in that 'baby world', but on the other hand, my male ego part would take over and the fantasy would come crashing down leaving me with all the negative feelings I had associated with it all. I really wanted to share this with someone, but I just did not have the courage to reach out to anyone in person other than in online forums and chat rooms.
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