How It All Began (Part 2)

For as long as I can remember, I have always enjoyed crossdressing and at one time or another questioned whether I wanted to be a boy or a girl.

My mum caught me, on a number of occasions, wearing her tights in bed when I was about 3 or 4.

When I was 7, I remember taking a black leotard from the school cloakroom that had been left laying around. I remember watching the girls wear them for gym and secretly, I wanted to wear one too. I used to wear it to bed quite often.

Even by the age of 7 I knew that I shouldn't be wearing 'girls' clothes! I knew I was a boy, but that did not stop me from wanting to wear girls clothes.  When I was 9 I had to wear a leotard and tights in a school play! I caused such a fuss because I was so  scared and did not want anybody to see me dressed like that. I was playing a crow, so it wasnt like I was playing a girls role... It was just that I probably felt embarrased or ashamed to be seen wearing that which I secretly desired!

Becoming a teenager was even more traumatic for me. I was already quite effiminate and I was often bullyed or labelled as being gay, so when I started to grow breasts... I was absolutely mortified! The Doctor said that the hard fleshy growths were just hormonal and would eventually go. The Doctor was right, but I felt like a freak for about 8 months or so until they went.

At one point I thought that I was going to become a girl! Yet as much as that scared me, a part of me thought that maybe I should be a girl and that nature, as cruel as it was, was just taking its natural course.