Withdrawl Symptoms

I Miss Mummy sooooo much!!!! :'(

Being back in 'man' mode has really allowed me to see how easily 'Rosie' regressed with mummy around. This time has allowed me to see how much of a part 'Rosie' and 'Mummy' are in my life now and how much I really do like/want 'need' it.

In reality, it has only been for a short period of time, but for me and little 'Rosie', it seems like it has been forever!

I feel like I am some kind of  an addict withdrawing from drugs!

Over time you don't really fully realise how you change and adapt until you have to suddenly back change again!
I miss the feeling of being submerged in my 'little' role. I miss Mummy and I miss all the special little things that we did and time we have had so far. I miss the dependency and closeness we had. I miss mummies love, affection and acceptance.

I miss the times I just layed in mummies lap and stared up deeply into her loving eyes. In those moments, there was only me and mummy in the whole world! I also miss the closeness and connection of ANR. ANR in itself is a such a bonding act, that when you are suddenly withdrawn from that alone, the acute loss that is felt can be overwhelming!

The adult part of me feels as though something is missing. I know what it is, but another part of me is trying to ignore it. I need to be an adult again for mummies sake! Ultimately, It is my lover and best friend that is not well and at the moment, she needs me to be strong for her. I am constantly hoping and praying that she will get better soon. In the mean time... little Rosie will have to wait before she come out to play again :(

One thing a I have come to learn and love while being a 'carer' is the level of closeness, love and attention that you give without even thinking about it! Your whole list of priorities change and instead of dwelling inside your own head and worrying about how you feel, now you now suddenly have 'greater' responsibilities that you need to fulfill.

I love being Rosie lots and lots and lots.... but ultimately, I love mummy, my lover and soul-mate much, much, much more!

Missing Mummy!

I was not going to include any of the recent developments that have been going on, but at the end of the day, it is part of our journey together... so I have decided to share with you some of the deatils.

Mummy is not well! Mummy has not been very well for a short while now, but things have progressed a lot more quickly just recently.  Mummies stomach stopped working so she was on lots of medication to help it work again.

That failed... and then they put a feeding tube into her mummy to help her get better. Mummy looks funny with the tube in her nose but it makes her better again. It feels funny when i kiss he and it tickles my ickle nose.

I do not know how long mummy will need the tube for or how long it may take for mummy to get better again? I really hope that mummy starts to feel a lots better again coz I miss her in the whole wide world.

Since Mummy got ill, i have not really had the opportunity to get into my 'little' head-space. I have been so concerned and worried for my lover, mummy and  friend that 'fantasy' has had to take a step back. I have had to switch back on to 'man' mode as quickly and efficiaently as i can and try to be there as much as I can for her. My souls mate, my lover and partner needs me! Shje needs me now more than everything in the world and so, it does not matter what role i play, it will have to be the one that is good at fighting the system and gets shit done.

I really miss our breastfeeding times and the feelings that it gave me! I miss being dressed like a little girl or toddler and mummy speaking to me and acting like i really was just a bayy. I miss laying my head down on to mummies                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          to mummy all safe and secure in my nappy and sucking on my dummy! I miss the way Mummy makes me feel! I miss Mummy! I miss being Rosie! Whaaaaahhhhhhh!

Littles Day Out!

Mommy took me and another little girl for a special day out the other day! We went to a special 'adult baby / littles' event in Bristol.

As you can see from the photo, we had great fun playing in the ball pool.

I was very nervous at first! We arrived dressed in normal clothes and then changed once we got there. Being dressed in a nappy and a little girls dress with pink mary jane's, was a bit embarrassing at first.

But when we saw lots of other littles and babies and mummies and aunties, we did not feel as scared. It was the first 'public' event any of us had attended so we didn't know what to expect.

The event had provided a finger buffet and lots of different activities to get involved with. We played pass the parcel and then we had to dance in a competition to win prizes!

I really did feel a bit self conscious at first, but after a while, all that disappeared and we all had a really good day out.

As you can see in the photo, mummy made me wear my toddler reins! None of the other babies and littles had to wear them! Mummy said it was to make sure i was a good girl and didn't run away. I pouted and moaned for a little while, but secretly, i really enjoyed the feeling and extra security of being restrained.